He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
