you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
