I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
