do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
