On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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