I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
