Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
