they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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