Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
