she was so not down for the gang bang
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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