you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
