They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
