this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
