Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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