I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
id be glad to
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
