I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
