R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
