when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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