ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
