Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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