i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
