i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
