three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
