I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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