your parents love me but you hate me
Having a random hookup so left but love u
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
