that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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