u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
