Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
