Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So squirting runs in the family.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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