Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
