my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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