i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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