Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
