Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
