we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
