i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
