Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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