Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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