Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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