The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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