Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
