Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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