You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
