Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
