he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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