Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
