WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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