i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
