It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
