Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
