dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
